Beastly bikes, and other things I probably won't be able to fix.

Oh, Bicycle, how I love thee. Your design is so simple, so elegant (kind of). You take me places I want to go. You make my butt smaller. You are, overall, the perfect vehicle. Case in point:

Must... obtain... Bianchi...

Apparently, the whole world is looking for new, exciting ways to make the Bicycle better. In my opinion, it's not so much the design that needs improvement, but the components. Lighter, stronger, better, whatever. And there's some cool shit out there, like this chainless bike that uses a high tensile strength "string" on a slightly oblong thing to move the hub. Basically, you're eliminating the tiny, mechanical movement that a chain provides and replacing it with a totally smooth, one-piece action.

It's even cooler with a funny hat.

Now folding bikes have been around for a while - my dad has a couple that we've used on trips, and they were a'ight - but this new French version shifts your center of gravity from behind your feet to right on top of them by forcing you to stand on the pedals. Basically, you're getting a lot more power for less overall movement in your legs.

Unfortunately, it looks like a retarded scooter.

Some bike ideas are stupid and don't actually contribute anything to the engineering of The Bike - they just make the people on them look silly. And reinforce the bikers-are-assholes opinion held by big-city drivers everywhere.

Annnddd... pointless.

Some ideas have been around a while and are picking up steam in the market these days, like solid tubes (which are actually the forerunner of hollow-core ones) and my favorite, the SLiME tube (my dad fostered my affection for them when I was just a kid). I know a lot of people think slime tubes are silly, but when you're on the road and don't have time for a patch job, or if you're insanely lazy, or you've run out of spares, or what the hell ever, all you have to do is pump it a little extra and go. Kinda awesome.

Everything is better when goop-filled.

And then there's the issue of the saddle. The eternal bane of bikers everywhere. Maybe someone will come up with something that's sleek, stylish, sassy, AND keeps my lady bits from going numb!

Or maybe not.

I don't care what they say this thing will do for my "blood flow" problems. It looks like a rake. And not in a good way.